I have a hard time even writing that question. I am the type of lawyer that believes leveraging children is one of the most detestable things imaginable. If you’re reading this and you want to hire an attorney that will leverage children, please don’t try and hire me. If you generally agree and/or you have questions about this tactic, please continue. Please know that I will never leverage children. If a client hired me, and later wants to leverage children, I will not. We would either part ways (without a refund) or continue without that approach. I would try to persuade otherwise. Using children as leverage during custody disputes harms the emotional well-being of the children, and I cannot condone such actions under any circumstances.
Is it Ethical Using Kids as Leverage in Legal Battles to Get What Their Clients Want?
Unfortunately, the ethical rules for lawyers do not sanction attorneys who leverage children. It falls within the concept of advocacy. Lawyers have discretion to choose their methods, using whatever tactics they deem effective, as long as those methods are not illegal. An attorney should always act in the best interest of the child and clarify complex legal concepts for their clients. This means that many lawyers are perfectly okay with leveraging children to get what their clients want. Lawyers like to win, and some will cross lines that others will not. Emotional manipulation through children places them in the middle of conflict, which can be psychologically damaging, yet some lawyers and clients still resort to this harmful tactic. This form of manipulation is a type of abuse, causing significant psychological and emotional harm to children and families. Children can become victims of psychological harm, and both parents and children can be victims in these situations. Domestic violence is also a factor that can lead to children being used as leverage or becoming victims themselves. Often, there is a deliberate attempt by one parent or their lawyer to manipulate or control outcomes through the children, including creating conflict or loyalty issues between parents and children. These issues most frequently arise in the context of divorce and contentious custody battles. Such tactics are especially problematic in a custody case where the child’s relationship with both parents is at stake. It is important to correctly identify fault in cases of manipulation to prevent unfair blame and protect children. When legal outcomes are at stake, a judge may interpret or enforce a court order strictly if children are being used as leverage.
That said, I am the type of lawyer that can never respect a fellow lawyer who uses the tactic of leveraging children. I don’t even respect a lawyer who goes along with his client that wants to leverage children. I find it absolutely revolting. It is detestable to me. I will do my best to work peacefully and effectively with fellow attorneys who use this tactic. I can leave my personal feelings aside, seeing the bigger picture of achieving my client’s goals. It’s like eating something disgusting, where you pinch your nose and quickly swallow. If anything, it is a situation where I am determined to win because I hate when this tactic is used, and I believe sound legal judgment is essential in these cases to protect the best interests of the child. One should not assume that the court will overlook such behavior, as evidence of manipulation can have severe consequences. Parental alienation, where a parent turns a child against the other parent, is one of the most damaging outcomes of such tactics, as it can irreparably harm the child’s relationship with the alienated parent. Parties should be aware of the legal consequences and court expectations when engaging in such conduct. I also find writing about this issue particularly challenging due to its sensitive and controversial nature, but I feel it is necessary to take a clear ethical stance.
If you’re coming against a lawyer who leverages children, please know that it is not a winning strategy and many family law attorneys have a special passion to fight against this approach. Documenting instances of manipulation by an ex can be crucial for legal actions regarding custody, as it provides evidence to counter such tactics effectively. Parties should respond to such tactics appropriately and understand the circumstances under which this manipulation is happening. It is also vital to recognize the signs of manipulation and abuse early, so you can take steps to protect your children and family. One might wonder about the justice system’s ability to address these issues and the importance of being interested in the child’s well-being.
Introduction to the Issue
The use of children as leverage in family court custody cases is one of the most troubling issues facing families today. In the midst of emotionally charged legal battles, it’s not uncommon for one parent to attempt to gain an upper hand by involving the children, hoping to sway the court or pressure the other parent. This behavior, while unfortunately seen in many custody arrangements, is widely recognized by lawyers and judges as unacceptable and deeply harmful.
When children are used as bargaining chips, the severe consequences can ripple through every aspect of their lives. The children involved may experience confusion, anxiety, and low self-esteem, as they are forced to navigate the conflict between their parents. This can lead to long-term emotional distress, impacting their well-being and ability to form healthy relationships in the future. Family law exists to protect the best interest of the child, yet when leverage is used in this way, it undermines the very foundation of what the court and legal professionals strive to achieve.
It’s important for all parties involved—parents, lawyers, and the court—to recognize that the interests of the child must always come first. The focus should be on creating custody arrangements that support the child’s well-being, rather than using them as tools to gain advantage in legal battles. By prioritizing the needs of the children and fostering a cooperative environment, families can avoid the damaging consequences that come from using children as leverage and instead work toward solutions that truly protect and nurture the next generation.
Impact on Children and Families
The impact of using children as leverage in custody battles is profound and far-reaching, affecting not just the immediate relationship between parents and children, but the entire family dynamic for years to come. Family law is meant to protect the best interest of the child, yet when one parent attempts to manipulate or control the other parent through the children, it creates an emotionally charged process that can leave lasting scars.
Children who are caught in the middle of these custody arrangements often experience confusion, guilt, and a deep sense of hurt. They may struggle to understand why they are being used as a tool in the battle between their parents, leading to low self-esteem, anxiety, and even depression. The feelings of being manipulated or forced to choose sides can undermine their sense of security and well-being, making it difficult for them to trust not only their parents, but also other adults and friends as they grow older.
When parents focus on winning the custody agreement rather than prioritizing quality time and open communication with their kids, the child’s emotional health is put at risk. The relationship between the child and one or both parents can become strained or even broken, leading to long-term issues with commitment, trust, and forming healthy connections in adulthood. The severe consequences of this behavior can ripple through the child’s life, affecting their ability to build strong relationships and maintain a positive sense of self.
Legal professionals play a crucial role in recognizing these risks and guiding their clients toward acceptable behavior that protects the well-being of the children involved. It is essential for parents to focus on the unique needs and interests of their children, rather than using them as leverage in a custody battle. By prioritizing the child’s best interest, maintaining open lines of communication, and ensuring that both parents remain involved in the child’s life, families can begin to heal and move forward in a healthier, more supportive way.
At our company, we remind every client that the well-being of their children must always come first. We are committed to providing the guidance and support needed to navigate even the most complicated custody arrangements, always with the goal of protecting the children and helping families create a positive path forward. If you are struggling with the emotional fallout of a custody dispute, know that you are not alone—there is hope, and with the right support, your family can begin to rebuild and thrive.
What are the reasons not to leverage children in family court custody cases?
Of course the obvious answer is that a person is incredibly selfish to use children as pawns. Yes, using a child to get what you want is as bad as it sounds. It should be obvious to people that this is a bad thing to do. Using children as pawns in custody disputes is often seen as selfish and nefarious by legal professionals, further highlighting the moral and ethical issues with this behavior. When parents involve children in their conflicts, it places an unfair burden on the child and can have lasting negative effects.
However, I know people reading this probably want the less obvious reason because it might be tempting to leverage children when a parent is tempted to see it in the best interest of the children. Perhaps both parents are leveraging children, and one feels like they need to play the same game. It’s not worth the risk. Withholding visitation from the other parent can lead to contempt of court or even jail time, making this tactic not only unethical but also legally dangerous. Children are often forced to carry the emotional weight of their parents’ disputes, which can be overwhelming and damaging.
The short term goals are not worth the long term risk. Beside being something that moral people need to struggle to even do, leveraging children is a huge risk that the children will resent the fact that another parent was put into that situation. Children tend to feel the pain of the parent who has suffered at the hands of the other. They tend to resent the parent that made the other parent suffer, especially when they were the object of that suffering. Children can become angry and deeply hurt after being manipulated or alienated, feeling betrayed and emotionally wounded. Leveraging children is highly likely to backfire, where the parent loses the long-term respect of the child leveraged. Children are your greatest legacy. Besides a litany of other great reasons to never leverage children to get what you want, you don’t want to leave a bad impression on your child. You don’t want them growing up to feel used to get back at the other parent. They will take it personal in ways you will absolutely regret. Some ex-partners try to control situations by using their children as weapons against the other parent, but this approach often leads to more harm than good. The loss of connection between children and parents can have lasting consequences on their well-being and identity.
If you weren’t convinced before, I hope this helped. At least I am clear where I stand on the issue. If I sound like the type of lawyer you want to work with, please schedule a free consultation using the form below. Therapy can benefit both parents and children in dealing with emotional manipulation in custody disputes, providing a path toward healing and healthier relationships.
Alternative Solutions: Putting Children First in Legal Disputes
When it comes to custody battles, the most effective and ethical approach is to put the well-being and best interest of the children involved at the forefront of every decision. Rather than resorting to using children as leverage, parents and attorneys can embrace alternative solutions that foster cooperation and stability. One of the most successful strategies is co-parenting, where both parents commit to working together for the benefit of their children, regardless of personal differences.
Mediation and counseling are also highly recommended by many lawyers and family law professionals. These tools provide a neutral space for parents to resolve disputes, develop a fair custody agreement, and address any underlying issues without exposing the children to conflict. By focusing on open communication and mutual respect, parents can create a supportive environment that allows their children to thrive, even in the midst of change.
Legal professionals play a vital role in guiding families away from harmful behaviors and toward solutions that prioritize the children’s needs. By educating clients about the severe consequences of using children as leverage and encouraging positive, child-centered behavior, attorneys and courts can help prevent long-term emotional harm. Ultimately, when parents, lawyers, and the court work together to protect the interests of the children, everyone benefits. The result is a custody arrangement that supports the well-being of the children and helps families move forward in a healthier, more positive direction.
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Peter graduated from the Arizona State University Sandra Day O’Connor College of Law. His work background is Christian Ministry, Commercial/Residential Property Management, and Real Estate. He is passionate about protecting elders, helping families, and guarding business and personal assets. Peter loves researching, especially the liability regimes within Estates and Probate.
